I’m a unicorn.
No, really, I am the most improbable of creatures — the product of a happy home, raised by parents who love God and each other (and their kids and grandkids). My childhood was idyllic, filled with sunshine and homemade bread and a peaceful life at the foot of the Blue Ridge mountains, with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins nearby. I married my best friend and our four children are the joy of our lives.
Few people are so incredibly blessed. Many loved ones influenced me but more than any other person, my mom modeled traits that I hope to display in my own parenting. As Mother’s Day approaches, I’m reminded of some of them:
Pray For — and With — Your Children
Wesleyan minister Samuel Chadwick once wrote, “There is no better way to serve others than to pray for them.” Think of all the Bible says about the power of prayer. Surely, then, praying for your children, and teaching them to pray alongside you, is one of the most important things a parent can do.
When I lived at home, my mom and dad prayed with us daily — at every meal, at bedtime every night, and at times in between. These many years later, I am fully confident not one day of my life has passed without my mother praying for me. What a gift that is.
Small Gestures are Important
At every point in my life, I recall my mother doing for others. Some were little things — leaving a box of his favorite cookies for our mailman each Christmas, calling with an offer to pick up groceries for my grandmother — and some were decidedly not. But she taught me the value of even the smallest act of kindness.
We lived on a farm, and each summer, the time arrived to cut and bale the hay fields. If you’ve never had the pleasure, it’s a grimy, sweaty, back-breaking task.
During the scorching heat of the day, my mother would make enough homemade lemonade to fill our bulky 5-gallon beverage cooler, load it into the back of my dad’s pickup, and drive out to the middle of the field to bring everyone a cold drink while they worked.
In all the years I was growing up, Mom never skipped out on lemonade patrol. When the time came to harvest hay, she planned her days (and grocery list!) around delivering those glasses of ice-cold lemonade to those working in the field. To her, it was a small thing, but I promise it has never been forgotten by those on the receiving end of her thoughtfulness.
Occasionally you’re in a position to “go big” for loved ones. But from my mother, I learned even something that costs me almost nothing in the way of time or effort — grabbing my husband’s favorite mints as I check out at the store, sending a friend home with that extra loaf of banana bread, offering to return another family’s library books when I’m already headed that way — can still let others know I care for them.
Just remember: the little, everyday stuff matters.
In Marriage, Devotion and Respect are Essential
When you look at photos of my parents’ wedding, you can see it in their faces. They were utterly devoted to one another from the moment they walked down the aisle. And that has never changed. Not once did my siblings and I see any hint that our parents were less than totally, completely, 100% committed to one another.
I’ll tell you from personal experience, that’s a powerful message for your children.
Another crucial thing that my mother always conveyed was respect for my father. He was, without question, the head of our house. Don’t get me wrong; my mom was no doormat. But she admired her husband and trusted him to lead our family, and she made that clear to all of us, day in and day out, in both words and actions. And if you asked my dad today, I bet he’d say that during their 50+ years of marriage, my mother’s respect has inspired him to be a better man.
Recently, I was clicking around the internet and saw a sign like this one:
I chuckled. It’s pretty cute, after all.
But then the thought occurred to me: I wonder if my husband ever thinks, “I want to be the man my wife thinks I am”?
Can you imagine your husband saying that?
Can you imagine what your home would be like?
Can you imagine the state of your marriage, if your husband felt that way?
You probably care a whole lot about what your husband thinks of you, and there’s an excellent chance he feels the same. Most likely, you’re the person whose opinion matters most to him — more than his peers and coworkers, more than your children, more than his own parents.
If that’s not the case, there’s a problem. And I’d be willing to bet RESPECT can play a big part in fixing it.
The Bible tells us quite plainly in Ephesians 5, the wife must respect her husband. Notice there’s no mention of waiting until he “deserves” it, or reaches some threshold of spiritual maturity. It’s simple: a husband needs to know his wife admires him.
The Value of A Soft Answer
I was not an easy child, and grew into an even more challenging teenager.
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath …” and I am here to tell you, it can also stop a rebellious teen in her tracks, and do so far more readily than harsh words.
Somehow, my mother knew this. She was unfailingly gentle with me, at times when I scarcely deserved her patience.
Though I often fall short, all these years later she continues to inspire me to give a soft answer.
Which leads me to …
Err on the Side of Kindness
It’s fair to say I do not have my mother’s temperament. That may be why, to this day, I’m amazed to see her respond to difficult situations (and relationships) with consistent kindness, not only in her words, but in actions.
She gives with no expectation of thanks, serves without seeking recognition, and holds her tongue when no one could blame her for snapping back. The truth is, I’m hard-pressed to recall my mother saying anything unkind about anyone. I have seen her frustrated, angry, wronged by others, and still she has spoken graciously.
Today, she is one of my most trusted friends. Through the years, I have sought her advice countless times, and she often repeats the same phrase when counseling me on what I should (and shouldn’t) say to others:
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
The first seems like a no-brainer. Of course I’m not going to say something if it isn’t true, right?
Kind is a harder hurdle to get past (and realistically, I usually hit the brakes here … because if I’m questioning, there’s a good chance I already know the answer).
Necessary is the really tough one. As my husband told me recently when discussing a conflict at work, “Just because something is true, it doesn’t mean I have to say it.”
Kindness, in both word and deed, is my mother’s hallmark. She’s who I think of first, when I read Colossians 3:12-14: “…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
Just Be Available
I can count on one hand the number of times my mom wasn’t there to greet us when we walked in the door after school. From first grade until I graduated high school, she was there, every single day, available to my brothers and me when we got home.
Did I always sit down and talk to her? No. But she was present.
When life is crazy-busy and I’m tempted to shoo my kids away when they’re clamoring for attention, I have to remind myself they’re still at the age when showing up is a big deal. They need me to be their mom, the way my own mom was for me — well into the years when I foolishly thought I was too grown up to need mothering.
You may not have a mom like mine, and for that, I’m genuinely sorry. Everybody deserves one. Thankfully, there’s no rule about who can be a role model. Yours might be your grandmother, a neighbor, or an older lady from church. For some of you, it could be your mother-in-law, or a woman in your homeschool co-op … and of course, Christ is our ultimate example of the love required to “lay down his life” for others. Because truly, that’s what moms do: we’re laying down our lives for our kids.
Just like my mom did for me.
This Mother’s Day, I encourage you to consider all the ways your mother has been an inspiration and influence in your life … and tell her how much she means to you.
And when it comes to praising your mom’s special gifts, if “public” is your thing,
please feel free to share with all of us in the comments below!
Read more about speaking with kindness in Sticks and Stones.
Patrice says
Well, I was just thinking how dry my eyes were and I needed to put drops in them . . . but now I can hardly see the keyboard for the ‘moisture’ (a.k.a. tears) Your mom will not like all these kind things being said about her, but she deserves all the praise and always has the admiration of her siblings, (me), and nieces and nephews, too. She has been much loved in her years but her silent, behind the scenes work has never gone unnoticed. She is the most selfless person I know – never draws attention to herself, and always seeking ways to serve the Lord. I dare say her numerous ‘tiny things’ will be a huge mountain of reward when we reach heaven, and she will give it all to Christ, without whom she could not have done any of it. It is people like her, consistent through the years, that inspire those who come behind to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, knowing our joy will be full and overflowing in doing so, to the glory of God. Thank you, Beth, for publicly recognizing your mom’s efforts to be more Christ-like every day, and her influence on your life and the lives of so many of us. . . and thanks for the good cry!
Beth G says
Thank you, Pat! You made ME teary-eyed. So appreciate your kind words.
Laura says
Beth —this is beautiful and inspiring. Thank you for this loving tribute to a Proverbs 31 mom that spurs all of us on! I’ll add my words of thanks to your mom for raising an incredible woman of God that I’m blessed to call my friend and ministry partner. ❤️
Beth G says
Thank you, friend!