Then I can answer anyone who taunts me,
for I trust in your word.
Psalm 119:42

 

Oh, to have a ready answer when taunted!

Life for a mother – and particularly a homeschool mother – will certainly bring a bit of taunting. Two-year-olds and 12-year-olds, toddlers and adolescents, boys and girls. No matter their ages, stages, or genders, let’s face it:  children can bring challenges.

Being a mother has brought me indescribable joy. I’ve learned – really learned – about unconditional love. Until becoming a mom, I did not completely understand God’s sacrificial love in sending His own Son for me. But nothing has brought sanctification to this mama’s life quite like parenting. God has used my children to humble me, quiet me, and teach me much about Himself. 

Nothing has brought sanctification to this mama's life quite like parenting. God has used my children to humble me, quiet me, and teach me much about Himself. Click To Tweet

They were amazing children, have grown to be incredible adults, and I’m a better person for having learned from each of them.

But there were days….

Anyone who does not believe in original sin clearly has not raised children through preschool and adolescence.  Being the mom means you get the joys and blessings right along with the wrinkles and challenges that come with raising them up.

They will try you, taunt you, defy and disobey you. They will push your buttons, spill milk on your floor, and break your favorite vase. As preschoolers, they get up before you want them to.  As teenagers, they won’t get up when you want them to.

A mother doesn’t need to read A Tale of Two Cities to experience “the best of times…and the worst of times…” Her life is defined by those two extremes – often in the same afternoon!

As I raised my children, I learned from my mess-ups. I got better. I extended grace to myself and was grateful for God’s never-ending flow of it. With His help, I apologized to my kids when I lost my temper, when I disciplined in anger, and when I was not kind. I wasn’t perfect – far from it! – but I owned it when I messed up.

As I look back, I sometimes lament to God, “Oh…to live my life over again knowing what I know now!” Yet I hear His voice in my heart: Laura, even if I would turn back the hands of time for you, you wouldn’t do it any differently. It’s the living that brings the learning.

And, yes, life has indeed brought lots of learning.

So here I am sharing that life with you, kind readers. Humbling myself to let my messes become my message, and passing on a bit of what I learned through my mothering years.

1. Don’t jump in the ring.
   Just because a 2-year-old or a 12-year-old (or even a 22-year-old) wants to fight, it doesn’t mean you have to go twelve rounds with them. Remain calm. Be the adult. Just like a boxing match, you let your opponent wear himself out and then proceed.

2. Understand that your anger is counterproductive.
   James 1:19-20 reminds us:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
   If mommy becomes angry when a child sins, and must later apologize, the focus has shifted. Instead of the child’s sin being the issue, we’re now dealing with mommy’s sin. Not helpful.

3. Expect them to taunt you.
   Ever play the game Worse Case Scenario? Anticipating bad situations can help us prepare an appropriate response. As mommies, we haven’t achieved perfection; isn’t it foolish, then, to expect it from our children? Instead, anticipate that your child will fail, and be sure you are ready with a response. This transforms a sinful situation into an opportunity to teach.

4. Sharpen your sword.
   From II Timothy 3:16 we know:  All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness …
   Whatever the behavior, find a passage to explain it – to teach, rebuke, correct, and train. Here are some examples:

   LYING                         The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.  Proverbs 12:22

   SELFISHNESS          Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as
                                         more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also
                                         for the interests of others.   Philippians 2:3-4

   LAZINESS                 “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.”  II Thessalonians 3:10b

   Whether lying, selfishness, laziness, or something else, you can find a verse that ties the behavior back to the Word of God.

5. Recognize the difference between willful disobedience and childish irresponsibility.
   Don’t expect your children to demonstrate the level of maturity you’ve taken 30, 40, or even 50 years to achieve. They are children. They are growing and learning. Give them grace when they mess up.  When you sit down to dinner, just expect someone to knock over their milk. If it doesn’t happen, celebrate!

   But, likewise, when they willfully and intentionally disobey and defy you, deal with it. Don’t be a wimp, don’t ignore it, and don’t agonize over whether they like you in that moment. Too many parents worry about being their child’s friend. Be the parent now, and you’ll be their respected friend in 15-20 years.

6. Pray.
   Day-to-day life is lived in real time. We don’t get to write our script, pencil it out, edit the words, and memorize our lines. But we can pray; we can ask the Holy Spirit to put His thoughts in our minds, His Words on our tongue, and His love in our hearts.

7. Trust in His Word.
   The Psalmist is right:  if we immerse ourselves in His Word, transformation will come. Day by day, we will be changed. Our desire to live for Jesus will transform all relationships. Being in the Word brings change … to our thoughts, attitudes, words, actions, and choices. And, yes, even to our parenting.

If you want to have a ready answer, don’t neglect the Word.