“Don’t let unrealistic expectations put a damper on your holidays.”
That is the message from today’s guest, Tricia Goyer.
We hope you’ll enjoy her encouraging words about growing gratitude …
and be sure to check out her new book, The Grumble-Free Year,
available now from TheGrumbleFreeYear.com.
“Have yourself a merry little Christmas,” ring out the familiar Christmas lyrics. “Let your heart be light.” Easier said than done, right? Especially with little kids grumbling over who got the bigger piece of pumpkin pie around the Thanksgiving table … and their older siblings making a list, checking it twice, and then adding twenty more things that “everyone else is getting for Christmas except me.”
Then, when you add unrealistic expectations to the mix, parents get in on the grumbling too. “I thought decorating Christmas cookies was a good idea, but everyone ended up fighting and now my kitchen is a mess!” (Yes, that’s been me before.)
Yet recently we decided to do things differently. Our large family—which includes me, my husband John, my 90-year-old Grandma who lives with us, and eight of our kids still at home—decided to go a year without grumbling. Okay, John and I decided it was a good idea, and we encouraged our kids to work with us to change our attitudes, change our hearts, and turn grumbling into gratitude. We discovered many things, including being realistic about our expectations. John and I discovered we shouldn’t expect our kids to go grumble free if we are trying to model our family time after magazine spreads or shuttle our kids from one activity to another without time to unwind or rest.
Yes, we all can encourage grumble-free attitudes, but gratitude grows more easily when we change our focus, slow our pace, welcome our kids’ input, and point to God’s faithfulness in all our lives. Here are a few ideas to do just that:
1. Pray for right motives. When it comes to helping my kids’ poor attitudes, I always have to start with myself first. Why do I get so cranky? It’s usually because I have the wrong motives. Decorating Christmas cookies is no longer about the fun, it’s also about the cute photos we can capture for Instagram. More than that, purchasing gifts becomes another thing on our to-do list, instead of a way to care for and connect with someone we love.
While the cookie decorating and gift buying still happen, we can pray for—and work toward—having the right motives, and leading our children to do the same. As you gather together to decorate cookies, choose someone you can give them to. Pray and thank God for that person before you start. Talk about how you appreciate that person as you decorate … and ignore the mess for an hour.
2. Gently help kids manage the busyness and stress. Attitudes tended to go south when kids were hungry, overwhelmed, or stressed. And because I’m also hungry, overwhelmed or stressed, I’m often not gentle in how I deal with them!
We can help kids by being aware of things that might make them anxious, such as visiting with family they don’t see often, a busy schedule, or late night programs and gatherings. Talk about these things ahead of time and think of solutions. For example, let kids know they don’t have to hug anyone they don’t feel comfortable with at holiday events. Also, consider limiting holiday gatherings or leaving them early. Pack healthy snacks with you, and let kids know that if they can come to you anytime if they need a break from the festivities. Finally, remember that you get to decide what to say yes to. Everyone has merrier holidays when they’re not constantly on the go.
3. Let kids take part of the planning, too. There are so many things we can do over the holidays, ask kids to vote on what holiday activities they want to do the most … and do them. Last year my children picked: make and decorate Christmas sugar cookies, drive around to see Christmas lights, and make gingerbread houses. We picked three dates to do those things, and we said no to almost everything else. My kids had fun, and they were grateful that I made time to do things important to them.
4. Ask family members to share why they are thankful. In the midst of our grumble-free year, my grandmother fell and fractured her back. She fell on Thanksgiving and came home from the hospital just days before Christmas. Having her home after such a trial made us all thankful, but my grandmother’s response to the hardship truly changed our hearts.
Even when she couldn’t get out of bed, or even sit up, my grandmother lifted her voice and praised God. Seeing her example of gratitude helped us all realize that we often grumble about things that don’t matter, when instead we should be praising God.
When my children asked Grandma why she was so thankful, she talked about growing up in the Great Depression and living in a boxcar with her family as a child. She shared about how God had always taken care of her through the years.
Hearing those stories helped my children understand that happiness is not based on the size of a piece or pie or whether they received the coolest toy.
“We grumble about things that don’t matter, but Grandma is praising God even when she can’t get out of bed,” one daughter told me.
When gathering with family members over the holidays, encourage kids to ask about God’s faithfulness through their lives. Hearing all that God has done for others can help kids—and all of us—have a better perspective about the things we tend to grumble about.
Cultivating a grateful attitude is not for the fainthearted. Lips that are quick to praise instead of grumble do not appear overnight. Yet, as we focus on these small changes, we can grow grateful hearts, full of light, reflecting God’s gift of Jesus through the holidays and through the rest of the year.
Tricia Goyer is a wife, homeschooling mom of 10, and bestselling author of 70+ books, including The Grumble-Free Year, available now from HarperCollins Publishing.
The Grumble-Free Year follows the Goyers as they go complaint-free and discover what it looks like to develop hearts of gratitude. They share their plans, successes, failures, and all the lessons learned along the way, offering not only a front-row seat to the action but also real-life steps for uncovering hearts that are truly thankful. For more information, go to: www.TheGrumbleFreeYear.com
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